Under My Spell
by poetic heart 75
Summary: Takes place after the siren fight. What happens when you stop to think about what was said?
1. Chapter 1

Under My Spell

The more I thought about it as we pulled away from Bobby, the more I wondered how much of what Dean said under that siren's spell was actually true. I know it was supposed to be just some crap that the siren pulled out of him to keep us fighting with each other and pull us apart, but sometimes when you're under a spell, the truth can come out. I wonder if most of it was just based on pent up frustration that he'd been holding back for a while.

Did he really not trust me? Did he really think that I was letting Ruby take control of my life? He still looked pissed off. I'm not sure how exactly to approach this one. He finally broke the silence that weighed heavily on us.

Dean: "Don't let that siren win by taking that staged scene seriously. Sam, if I really felt like I didn't trust you, I'd leave you off with Ruby somewhere."

Sam: "Thanks. That makes me feel so much better. Dude, Ruby comes to me whenever she damn well feels. There's no reason behind when she shows up or doesn't show up. She wants my freak powers not me."

Dean: "Whatever her sick obsession is, it can't be good. I don't think she has your best interest at heart by a long shot. She's still up to no good under that crusader facade."

Sam: "And you know this how, because Casteil and his dick angel friends told you so? I was standing right there when Uriel tried to warn me against these powers of mine. I can't help it if they're useful. It's easier then chanting from the books and it saves the human host."

Dean: "Yes, but what is this strange power doing to you personally? Have you taken 5 minutes to even think why your nose starts bleeding and your head starts pounding the minute you do it? It's taking a physical toll on you. It's the same as being tortured in hell. The only difference is you get to live it on earth. It's got their attention or they wouldn't be warning you against doing it."

Sam: "Since when do you give a shit about what anyone else thinks? You were questioning what their intentions were before. Are we forgetting that Uriel is quick to smite an entire town because there is one bad witch hanging out there? He'd much rather have me drop dead then understand that this power will help in the long run. It will help us win the fight. We don't have the Colt anymore. What else do we have to fight with?"

Dean: "I don't know. The rituals we've had since day one that dad taught us, maybe? They were good enough before Ruby came into this world and they're good enough now. The old ways are not so old fashioned that they don't work anymore."

Sam: "Yes, they still work. I'm not saying that they don't or that you can't use them. But, this is a whole other generation of demons, Dean. They're stronger and they have a lot more tricks up their sleeves then the demons that Dad was teaching us to fight. You've seen them. They even can overpower me with their abilities."

Dean: "Exactly my point. You can still be overpowered and you're not always with me. I don't want you running off with Ruby and getting yourself killed. I didn't come back from hell to watch you die at the hands of another demon."

We pull up at a hotel in another town for the night. Maybe that stuff about Dean holding me back was a little true. I am a better hunter then he is and I haven't forgotten why we're fighting. I still want Lilith's head on a platter and I would like to know why the hell Casteil and Dean are so tight all of the sudden. Is this God's way of pitting us against each other? Am I supposed to be the one to kill my brother? I couldn't possibly do that. Sure, we fight and we argue, but we always make up and we never go to bed angry at each other. I know, it sounds cheesy and chickie, but it's true.

Why do I have to be the one to break that bond between us? Well, what's left of the bond any way. Dean sort of decided to break that when he died and went to hell for 4 months. I had to survive on my own and maybe I got a little too independent and I liked it. I can't help but admit that I liked being on my own for those 4 months. Sure, I was grieving Dean and I missed him when we were fighting evil. But, most of the time it felt good to be on my own and making decisions for myself.

Inside Dean's head,

I don't know what to think anymore. Sure, I know that siren was fucking with both of our heads and he was trying to get Sam and I to kill each other, but how much of what Sam said to me is actually true? Sam doesn't usually say stuff that isn't already on his mind. Does he really feel like I'm holding him back? Does he really think he's a better Hunter then I am?

I don't want to think that this is putting us on opposite sides, but it sure feels like it. I have Casteil taking orders from Uriel and trying to keep my brother alive. I have Sam taking orders from Ruby and thinking he's doing us all a favor helping to get rid of a few stray demons running around. The problem with that is his power is stripping away his humanity. He's sacrificing more and more of himself every time he opens himself up to use that power. His nose bleeds because that power is squeezing his head and the demons are feeding off of that pull. So, sure he is helping and using a handy little tool to get rid of them, but on the other hand, he is slowly turning himself into one of them. The Sam I know is dying each time he uses that power to help Ruby get closer to Lilith.

Maybe this is all my fault. If I never went to hell, this never would've happened. Ruby would've been gone to hell and stayed there and Sam would still be the same old Sam he was before I made that god damn deal. What did I ever do to deserve this? So, this is what Dad meant when he said I may have to kill Sam because I can't save him.


	2. Chapter 2

Maybe the Sam I knew and loved died at Cold Oak and I really did bring back something that wasn't 100% Sammy and I was too caught up in the fact that he was breathing and by my side again to realize it. He still walks talks and thinks like Sam. I mean most of the time he even wants to do the smart thing and follow my plan as opposed to going off half cocked. So, I suppose the logical Sam is still alive and well. He never went anywhere, but this independent, strong minded Sam isn't so bad. Most of the time I like him and I'm proud that I raised him into this strong minded, independent thinker who makes sure he is doing things intelligently as opposed to not thinking it all the way through and getting himself killed.

Dean: "What is it about Ruby that you just can't stay away from?"

Sam: "What are you talking about?"

Dean: "I'm talking about being at her beck and call. She rings your cell phone and your off and running in the middle of the night while I sleep. You even try to hide the calls from me. That's the part I don't get."

Sam: "It's just training. It's the same as you and Dad training when I was at Stanford. You never told me when you two were doing something. It's not a big deal."

Dean: "Not exactly. Dad and I were never having sex with demons for power and to me that is a huge deal. If it's not a big deal and it's not something that I haven't handled with dad, then why not include me in on the big fight? Why keep me in the dark?"

Sam: "I'm not having sex for power. I already explained to you why I am close to Ruby the way I am. It's your connection to Castiel that keeps Ruby from including you in on the big plans. She doesn't want the angels involved in this. Besides, Lilith is mine to deal with. She took you away from me and now it's my turn to end her. Why are you questioning me so much? What did I do to make you not trust me?"

Dean: "You're having sex with a demon to start with, Sam. Ruby is still a demon inside a human body. She's using her sexuality to turn you into this monster that kills things with your mind. Why can't you see that she is just stripping away your humanity layer by layer with this promise to kill Lilith and the mind training? She's trying to put us on opposite sides, Sammy. "

Sam: "How do you figure she's stripping away my humanity? You can't honestly think that Ruby is trying to dehumanize me with these powers she helped me develop. You're doing a good job of putting yourself on the opposite side right now, Dean. We're fighting the same fight. We want the same things, remember? I lost parents to Yellow Eyes too and not to mention this one way communication they have with me. I want it all to end too."

Dean: "There. You just said it yourself. Ruby developed them. You knew they were there and you chose to keep them quiet. You chose not to flip that switch in Cold Oak. You chose to survive the fight without special powers. You could've triggered them there and took over the army then and you chose to walk away from it. Now, you're bound and determined to trust Ruby fully that these powers are doing nothing to you. They're just exterminating a few pesky demons. Never mind the fact that you two are out there by yourselves and some of the demons could over power you at any given moment and drag you into hell for their own little games. Oh yeah, and there's the little issue of the massive nose bleeds and headaches you get."

Sam: "I don't get the headaches as much anymore. If anything, I'm getting stronger out there and that's not a bad thing. I'm not going to lose my humanity in this fight. I won't let go of it."

Dean: "How about bleeding to death or a brain aneurysm? Does that sound like a fair trade for these powers? Better yet, how about a fight with an angel that you can never win. I don't want Uriel smiting you because he doesn't think you're useful anymore. You don't want to get on these guys bad side."

Sam: "I'd like to think that you wouldn't let Uriel smite me. I am your pain in the ass little brother. You did sell your soul to save me and apparently, you're fighting with the angels for my health and well being."

Dean: "You just don't get that this can kill you. What's it going to take?"

Sam: "I hear you. I understand that you think this could kill me. I know what I'm doing and I know how to keep it from getting out of control. You're going to have to trust me on this one, Dean."

Meanwhile, Sam's phone rings.

Dean: "You're little demonic girlfriend is calling again. It must be time for another power fuck."

Sam: "She doesn't just call for a fuck."

He answers the phone and walks outside. That's exactly what I'm talking about. He has these conversations totally away from me.

With Sam outside,

Sam: "Hey Ruby."

Ruby: "Have you thought about my proposal?"

Sam: "I have and it sounds like a perfect idea. How do we set this up?"

Ruby: "You just keep Dean busy and I'll set everything in motion. I'll call you in an hour or two."

Sam: "All right."

They hang up and he comes back inside.

Dean: "Another midnight rendezvous?"

Sam: "No. No midnight rendezvous. She was checking on me."

Dean: "Isn't it sweet. She wants to make sure her little Sammy pooh is OK."


End file.
